The Perils of Failure

As some of you may know, I was given the privilege/burden of being the Fine Master for the trip.
While Mr Jordan is on my back for being too kind and not fining people enough, there has been a reasonable contribution to the New Years Eve fund.

There have been some of the more notable fines, with the following just the tip of the iceberg...

The first significant fine went to Reuben. The poor bloke was unlucky enough to lose his wallet in a 7/11, before we even got to India. Reuben was fined the massive sum of Rs.150, and was lucky to find his wallet after a kind shopkeeper picked it up.

The first "Inappropriate Skuxxing" fine was handed out to none other than Ms Candy, for enthusiastically volunteering to braid Tutu's (of the Jungle Crows) small patch of long hair (a rats tail for those in the know), even though her services were not asked for. The fine for this blatant display of flirting resulted in her receiving a Rs.10 fine. This small denomination was when the Fine Master still had a small rebellious streak, and did not listen when Mr Jordan told him to slap her with a whopping Rs.500 fine.

One of the last "considerate" fines was also handed out to one Aunty Rach. It seems like she did not learn from her earlier infringement, and was fined for her second case of Inappropriate Skuxxing. By slowly slipping her restaurant comment card into the waiters pocket, rather than into his outstretched hand, The Serial Flirt was fined four times the original fine due to repeat offending.

Now at this stage, the Fine Master was slowly beginning to see Mr Jordan's reasoning on the level of fines, as we could not possibly buy a good supply of food and drinks if Rs.10 fines were handed out. A tough Rs.100 minimum was imposed (still only NZ$2), and with Mr Jordan setting the level of the fines more often than not, the Fine Master started to worry about mutinous activity from fellow tour members.

A trip to the High Commission warranted a Rs.100 fine for all bearded tour members was administered by the non-bearded tour members, just out of jealousy that we cannot actually grow beards. Thus the trip to the High Commission was a handy excuse to fine Alex, Chris, Angus, Ben Toogood, Mr Skeen, Reuben and Jonty for their manliness. Mr Skeen, being the responsible leader that he was, was fined an additional Rs.700 (bringing his total to Rs.800) for taking boys to the Commission without proper grooming. Mr Jordan appealed successfully, arguing that it was not his High Commission and therefore he was exempt from any rules regarding New Zealand etiquette. However it was a silly move on his behalf, and he was slapped with a Rs.500 fine for illegal immigration onto New Zealand soil and his consequent deportation.

At around this time, Mr Jordan also started to get messages of support on the blog. As a group, we came to the conclusion that he must be paying you parents at home for the displays of kindness, and was fined a further Rs.100, which helped to decrease the size of his ever increasing ego and bring him down a notch.

Mr Skeen was another of our tour leaders to be fined for Inappropriate Skuxxing, as he seemed very enthusiastic about greeting our Mumbai tour guide, slapping two huge sloppy kisses on either side of her face in an attempt to get her to like him. He was unsuccessful, and fined Rs.300.

With William Allen not having any fines before the last day in Mumbai, he was fined Rs.200 for not having any fines, and a further Rs.600 for a hideous display of cultural insensitivity, which I will leave him to explain.

The final notable fine once again goes to Mr Jordan. At last nights Karateoki (like Karaoke but with extra fizz) Mr Jordan decided to ruin the Fine Masters barbershop quartet to the iconic Brown Eyed Girl (Van Morrison) by jumping in and butchering the song as only he can. This fully deserved the Rs.400 fine (I haven't actually told him about this one yet) he was handed, and we hope this serves to keep him off microphones all over the world, for others' sake.

That concludes the best fines of the trip so far, and there will be more to come.

Enjoy New Years Eve, and see you all soon.

Hamish