When it comes to blogging I must concede that I have been light hearted most of the time as I've found other channels for my different thoughts, but I feel I better give a deeper one a go before it's too late.
Over the past few days in Goa we've been told to try and process the past month, to identify what we've seen and felt, and to come to terms with our emotions and experiences. Furthermore we have been asked to consider how we will talk about the trip back home.
The time alone over the last few days has had a huge effect on me. For the first time in a month I've had the opportunity to be isolated with my thoughts, and what I've felt has been somewhat expected but at the same time, slightly scary. Although we have had more great times than I can count, with numerous stories, times of laughter, heart warming scenes and genuine happiness, I find my thoughts always drifting back to the hard hitting moments; those that stop you in your tracks and really make an impact. I find that even the experiences that weren't hugely difficult at the time have come back stronger than ever, in a powerful culmination which is somewhat of a struggle to deal with alone.
The moments that have stuck in my mind are those where I see past the carefree way of life, past the crazy driving, past the beeping, past the big smiles and past the people; the images where the tragedies of this country are too big to ignore. They've come from different places for different people, that range from our trip to Brooklyn, or the dead boy on the side of the street of Kolkata, to the beach formed from garbage in one of the wealthiest cities in the world, or personally the biggest moment for me along with many of my peers, the slums. When alone these experiences hit hard, and I feel they have finally caught up with me. We've seen the reality and at the most real points I could find no salvation in the happiness of the people that I had found so intoxicating only moments earlier. This scares me.
But what we have been through over the past month will shape us. I know I feel like a very different person right now than a month ago, but for the better. We will not forget the smells, the tastes, the highs, the lows, the people, the images and of course we will not forget the reality. I know I won't, no matter how heavy it may be.
"What does all of this mean" is the natural question, but after talking with Reuben a lot about this topic I feel I'm on the same page as him, so I won't need to address it due to it being his latest blog topic. I'm somewhat anxious about returning home and no longer having 24 other people around me 24/7 that have had the 'same same, but different' experience to me in this country. But like everything else in the past month, I will just have to take it for what it is.
Tim
PS- To give a snapshot of how returning home seems, I'm not sure why, but I relate it to the end of the third Lord of the Rings book when the hobbits finally return home after 9 hours of screen time. They can't just go back to the Shire as it was after that adventure, they've seen more of the world and it's a different place to when they left . . . and that's me being serious . . .
Over the past few days in Goa we've been told to try and process the past month, to identify what we've seen and felt, and to come to terms with our emotions and experiences. Furthermore we have been asked to consider how we will talk about the trip back home.
The time alone over the last few days has had a huge effect on me. For the first time in a month I've had the opportunity to be isolated with my thoughts, and what I've felt has been somewhat expected but at the same time, slightly scary. Although we have had more great times than I can count, with numerous stories, times of laughter, heart warming scenes and genuine happiness, I find my thoughts always drifting back to the hard hitting moments; those that stop you in your tracks and really make an impact. I find that even the experiences that weren't hugely difficult at the time have come back stronger than ever, in a powerful culmination which is somewhat of a struggle to deal with alone.
The moments that have stuck in my mind are those where I see past the carefree way of life, past the crazy driving, past the beeping, past the big smiles and past the people; the images where the tragedies of this country are too big to ignore. They've come from different places for different people, that range from our trip to Brooklyn, or the dead boy on the side of the street of Kolkata, to the beach formed from garbage in one of the wealthiest cities in the world, or personally the biggest moment for me along with many of my peers, the slums. When alone these experiences hit hard, and I feel they have finally caught up with me. We've seen the reality and at the most real points I could find no salvation in the happiness of the people that I had found so intoxicating only moments earlier. This scares me.
But what we have been through over the past month will shape us. I know I feel like a very different person right now than a month ago, but for the better. We will not forget the smells, the tastes, the highs, the lows, the people, the images and of course we will not forget the reality. I know I won't, no matter how heavy it may be.
"What does all of this mean" is the natural question, but after talking with Reuben a lot about this topic I feel I'm on the same page as him, so I won't need to address it due to it being his latest blog topic. I'm somewhat anxious about returning home and no longer having 24 other people around me 24/7 that have had the 'same same, but different' experience to me in this country. But like everything else in the past month, I will just have to take it for what it is.
Tim
PS- To give a snapshot of how returning home seems, I'm not sure why, but I relate it to the end of the third Lord of the Rings book when the hobbits finally return home after 9 hours of screen time. They can't just go back to the Shire as it was after that adventure, they've seen more of the world and it's a different place to when they left . . . and that's me being serious . . .
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